The following entry reminded me of a very important message that we ALL need to adhere to when it comes to communicating with those around us. Communication affects every aspect of our lives.
There are many ways to communicate
In her book “The language of Letting Go” Melody Beattie says that Part of owning our power is learning to communicate clearly directly and assertively.
She goes on to say: We don’t have to beat around the bush in our conversations to control the reactions of others. Guilt-producing comments only produce guilt. We don’t have to fix or take care of people with our words; we can’t expect others to take care of us with words either. We can settle for being heard and accepted. And we can respectfully listen to what others have to say.
Hinting at what we need doesn’t work. Others can’t read our mind, and they’re likely to resent our indirectness. The best way to take responsibility for what we want is to ask for it directly. And, we can insist on directness from others. If we need to say no to a particular request, we can. If someone is trying to control us through a conversation, we can refuse to participate.
Acknowledging feelings such as disappointment or anger directly, instead of making others guess at our feelings or having our feelings come out in other ways, is part of responsible communication. If we don’t know what we want to say, we can say that too.
We can ask for information and use words to forge a closer connection, but we don’t have to take people around the block with our conversations. We don’t have to listen to, or participate in, nonsense. We can say what we want and stop when we’re done.
I think Melody has this down pat she describes communication to a "T". "If' we are behaving in a co-dependent way we can beat around the bush when it comes to our communication with others, we try to please others and not upset the apple cart. Being aware of our communication with others, helps us to have more direct conversations with others and may give us a feeling of the conversation have been either finished or that part we set out to achieve is done.
do you have a voice?
As some of you know I have lost my voice in the last couple of days. If you know me you can understand what a disaster that is – especially in my work.
But, I have soldiered on and am now having a long rest at home. Rob thinks it’s amazing sometimes but frustrating other times because he can’t hear what I’m saying. (Mind you this is not unusual at the best of times).
While resting, my thoughts go to having a "voice in my life" or standing up for myself.
One of the most important parts of self-regard is the feeling that you have a voice that you have the right to be listened to and heard in a way that helps you have some control over what happens in your life.
When you can speak up and stand up for yourself, you are, in effect saying to yourself and the world "I am a significant person who ideas and words are worthy of respect".
Standing up for yourself can be really challenging if you’re used to letting others have their way or you’re a people pleaser. When you trim yourself down to suit everyone else, it’s all too easy to whittle yourself away; learning to stand up for yourself is a way of ensuring other people respect you and don’t try to push you around or manipulate you.
Unlearning the old habits of self-effacement and gaining the confidence to stand up for yourself won’t happen overnight, but the journey to improvement starts with the first step.